Saturday, June 26, 2010

WILL YOU RECOGNIZE LOVE?

He's loud and argumentative. She is easily frustrated by the behaviors of others. The motto on a pillow "I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas" sits comfortably on her sofa. They are two of my closest friends. I saw what a perfect couple they made long before they decided to marry. They bicker all the time! You just have to close your ears to it. It means nothing. Theirs, I tell them, is a great love affair! They can't see it.

Becky, frankly, was not a loved and nurtured child. Her parents withheld affection, belittled, and demeaned Becky, though I'm certain they did their best. Becky, now forty-eight, struggles to enjoy her own family. Her husband Ed has two boys, young teens. Becky became pregnant with her daughter when she was forty years old. Ed came along when Becky's little girl was a toddler. There is so much love in this family. I adore spending time with them.

Ed, for all his loud, gruff talk, means only the best for his family. He shows love by working hard to give to them materially. He's very ill right now undergoing treatment for hepatitis-C, and may need a liver transplant in future. Nevertheless, he recently took his family to Disney World. He worries and tells Becky and the kids there is nothing to worry about. He knows his wife's shortcomings, but she doesn't have to change a thing. He simply loves and cares for her.

Becky doesn't think she has a good marriage. How could she say otherwise with all the conflict and yelling going on? She's overwhelmed by the responsibility of motherhood. I see how much she loves her family in the way she works so hard to make their home attractive, in her giving the children everything she thinks a well-loved child would have, in the way she believes in her husband's abilities, and in how she hates his suffering. They all drive her nuts, because no matter how good it is, she can't stop trying to make it perfect. I try to get her to stop trying to change everything and everybody (including herself) and just love it all the way it is.

Wake up! Wake up! Love is all around you and within you. See it! Feel it!

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