When he shared that with me, I realized how very much he loved his wife. Yet we were talking because he was frustrated concerning their interaction. Both John and Susan have been seeking to live more spiritually for a little while now, but like all of us, demonstrating spiritual principles in our relationships is the challenge.
I suggested to John that day that he and Susan needed to become emotionally safe for each other. The need to be able to express to each other what we think, feel, and believe without fearing a reaction is tantamount to happy communion. I instructed John to state what he was thinking or feeling to Susan adding, "But you don't need to change. I just need to say what I think."
The next time I saw John and Susan, it seemed to me they looked happier. John beamed at me. "I've been doing what you said. I pray every day that Susan won't change, and I tell her!" I swallowed. Things were obviously so much better between the two of them I hesitated to tweek it. We talked a few more times before I told him he had added a little twist to what I'd actually said. I'm talking to Susan too, and I hope she will change (with God's help) -- the things she wants to change to become a more loving partner.
I told John, "The thing is, if she changes, you won't care -- because you no longer need her to change." Then I thought about it. John had, in fact, loved his wife so much he had been willing to pray that God not change her. I was struck dumb! He had understood the underlying spiritual principle of all spiritual acts: love without one condition. He was willing to sacrifice all that he might want from his wife that she would feel loved.
"John," I said, my own heart full, "That prayer is your Taj Mahal."
