HOMILY FOR A WEDDING

On May 21, 2011, our daughter Shannon Mullins Button married John Bosserman in Culpeper, Virginia. It was early in the evening on the large patio behind John's mother's home. The panoramic view with the Blue Ridge Mountains as backdrop was astonishingly beautiful as was the bride standing beside her handsome husband-to-be. Their four children, Kylen (16), Claire (14), Jenny (13), bridesmaids, and David (15) the best man, stood beaming with the couple. The family that were there have spoken of the joy felt at this uniting of two into one, especially so well expressed by young David Bosserman who gave such a beautiful toast at the reception that no one else dared follow with another. I wish I had that on tape.

John's elder brother, The Rev. Thomas Bosserman, officiated. His words touched us all that day, and I asked if I might share them with readers of my blog on love and relationship. I am close to tears even now as I remember him speaking to the children concerning their embarking into their second chance at marriage. Here is what Tom said.

Shannon and John, may all the blessings of God be yours this day. You have invited us as your family to witness your covenant of marriage and to celebrate your new beginnings as husband and wife, and as a larger family. At the same time, it is you who share a special witness with us, for you come to this moment not as two starry-eyed young people leaving home for the first time to build a new life with one another. You stand here as two wise and mature adults who have walked some distance down life's unpredictable road. You already know what it is to be married, to make a home and to raise children. You know the joy and comfort there can be in the husband-wife relationship, having another to fill your loneliness, to share your dreams, and to bring warmth and wonder to even the most ordinary of days.

You know too that in the pursuit of life's good gifts, we all encounter some disappointment, some suffering and heartache. It is only natural. We are human beings after all, people with differing personalities and gifts, shaped by differing family and life experiences, by both great expectations and great limitations which we bring to our relationships. And marriage is the creative and always imperfect adventure of sharing who we are with a loved and trusted companion.

Your marriage today is your witness to us that your friendship and love is WORTH THE RISK AND WORK OF MARRIAGE....

The readings you have chosen reflect hopes for your shared life. JAMES CAVANAUGH'S insight is that a good marriage is one in which the partners are free to be who they really are, not possessing, but supporting each other. A marriage counselor friend of mine likes to quip, "When two people marry they become one -- we just don't know which one!" And he means that marriage can have a kind of missionary accent -- to convert the other to one's own way of thinking and acting. That is an attempt to minimize differences and the anxiety that differences can create. But a vital marriage is one in which differences are valued and nurtured. A vital marriage is one in which the unique personhood of the partners is respected, in which each partner seeks to bring the other to a richer, fuller life. And that, of course, requires mutual encouragement, patience, understanding, forgiveness, and honest communication.

I want to share with you the witness and encouragement of my own experience, and the experience of countless other people of faith, that we do not undertake this adventure of love simply on our own power. GOD IS THE WELLSPRING OF LOVE and therefore part of your union. That is the message of the scripture from THE LETTER OF JOHN. And with God there is an abiding source of strength and renewal. God continues to nurture the power of love, to adorn and beautify, to transform and hallow the human heart and human relationships. And the great promise of God, embodied by Jesus and articulated so powerfully by St. Paul, is that there is nothing in all creation, nothing in life or in death, that shall ever be able to separate us from the love of God. This is what makes love eternal.

So, John and Shannon, build a life together on your love and promises. Build a marriage to hold your hearts and free your spirits. Build it with dreams and with caring, with patience, understanding and forgiveness, with a lifelong faithfulness to one another and a trust in the promise of God for you. And know that our love and our prayers accompany you this day and always. AMEN.